Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
