you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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