I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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