I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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