a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
