I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize