my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they're like a gay fantastic four
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
