I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
