i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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