pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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