dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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