moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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