did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
