they need to just BURY HIM!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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