**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
