I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
