I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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