I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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