She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is the high leading the old right now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
