Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
