I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
