Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
