my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize