Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
