I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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