Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was confusing and full of hummus
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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