Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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