for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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