You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
