I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
