dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
