you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
