Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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