I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
