What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
