maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
