She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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