we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
