just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
