just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize