I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
