hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
