gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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