she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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