When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
