the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
