I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
