Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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