the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
