Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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