look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
