he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
