I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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