Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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