i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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