My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
