I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
