Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
