i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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