yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
