I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You left your phone here
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