There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
