I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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