i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
