You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
