I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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