I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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