I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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