i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
