I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
