May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
