All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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