Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize